Tears Of Broken Hearts
by DosGatos
Summary: Aaron/Jackson. Can Aaron and Jackson's relationship survive the crash? Or is it too late? Chapter 6: How will Aaron cope with Jackson's latest news?
1. In Limbo

**Tears Of Broken Hearts**

Chapter 1: In Limbo

_Jackson's POV_

... = ... = ...

Those three little words that had so many meanings.

I Love You.

Why the hell did I say it? What was wrong with me? There was enough drama going on at the time without me throwing my two pennies worth in, and at the most inopportune moment. It was an absolute certainty that Aaron's reaction wouldn't be a good one. A heartfelt confession of his love and a passionate kiss in front of the entire village was never going to happen. I was far more likely to win the lottery.

... = ... = ...

_...Flashback..._

"Oh so I'm dumped now, cheers for that," I said flippantly, half of me joking around and the other half desperately giving Aaron the chance to tell me that I wasn't.

"Well that's what you wanted," Aaron retorted, looking angry. "You know maybe you and everybody else are right, maybe I'm just a big thug who sorts everything out with his fists."

"You know that's not true," I replied calmly. Aaron really didn't get it.

"The truth doesn't matter, because in your eyes and theirs, that's who I am. I mean you couldn't even trust me not to go and see Mickey. And you know what, I wouldn't have done."

"You said yourself it wouldn't end," I reminded him. We'd had that conversation only two hours earlier in the cafe.

"Yeah that meant I was expecting him to come looking for me, not that I'd go looking for him."

"That's why I went to see him, cos I was scared."

"You see that's what I don't get, how can you be with someone that you're scared of?"

"I'm not scared of you, I was scared for you."

Aaron looked annoyed now. "You sure about that?" he said sarcastically, turning away from me and walking towards Smithy's. I grabbed Aaron's arm, telling him "Yeah," but he brushed me off. Then he stopped and looked at me again.

"Why?" he asked. "After everything I've done?" I knew what he was getting at, what he was going to say. I couldn't believe he was going down this route again, it was all in the past now.

"Just don't," I reasoned, shaking my head.

"I mean, I've decked you but you still hung around. Why?"

"Please don't," I pleaded, looking to the ground, wishing he would just stop it. But this was Aaron.

"Why when you know who I am? What I always will be? Why would-"

That was enough, I couldn't hear anymore of this. I looked back up at Aaron and interrupted his rant.

"Because I love ya," I shouted, no other explanation coming to mind. Aaron stared at me in bewilderment and I felt my heart rate accelerating with sheer panic. Oh God. "Aaron, please, can we just-" I started to say, but he was walking to Smithy's, desperate to get away from me.

"No, I'll give you ya money back," he said dismissively.

"I don't want my money back," I told him, following him up to the front door. "I just wanna be with you, I didn't mean to say what I just said, but I can't unsay it cos it's true." The door had already closed in my face and Aaron was gone. "Aaron," I shouted, knowing my attempt was useless, but I had to try. He wasn't going to come back out; I knew exactly what was best for him right now. Space. But it was still hard to walk away.

_...End Flashback..._

... = ... = ...

Truthfully, if I wasn't in love with Aaron we would have split up weeks ago, before the holiday even. He was hard work, there was no denying that and at times he frustrated the hell out of me and angered me beyond words. But that aside, my mood would lift instantly with one cheeky smile from his lips, my stomach would flip with nervous excitement when reading his text messages, the sight of his naked body, wet from the shower, never failed to render me speechless or stop the blush that appeared on my cheeks. But most of all, the way he was when it was just the two of us. He was himself, he made me laugh, and he was just... My Aaron. I thought he was happy.

I guess a small part of me hoped that by some miracle Aaron's feelings for me were on the same level. But of course they weren't. It was a crazy idea. Maybe I was just a try out for him before he moved onto someone else? Maybe it was just the sex he was interested in?

Not that it mattered anymore. I was well and truly dumped. I should be surprised that my relationship with Aaron ever went this far and for so long, especially after the incident.

As I sat in The Woolpack drowning my sorrows into a pint, the evening after I told Aaron I loved him, I thought back to that night all those months ago and remembered vowing to never set eyes on Aaron ever again.

... = ... = ...

_...Flashback..._

"What happened?" Ben asked me before my backside had even reached the sofa. Ben was my flatmate. He was also my best friend, ever since we were both seven.

"Sorry?" I mumbled, delaying the inevitable and pretending to be engrossed in the local newspaper I picked up from the coffee table.

"The black eye," Ben said. I sighed, folded the newspaper up on my lap and looked over at him on the other sofa.

"It's nothing. Just an altercation with a lamp post. I'm very clumsy."

"Very funny. Come on, how did you really get it?"

"I'd rather not talk about it right now."

"Weren't you going to see that guy tonight? What's his name, Alan?"

"Aaron," I corrected in an angry whisper, looking away. Ben suddenly sat up straighter and looked intently at me with a deep frown.

"Did- Did he do this?"

"Look, it was-"

"Why are you defending him?" Ben talked over me. "Or did you throw the first punch?"

"No," I said in a loud tone. "And I'm not defending him. It's no big deal. I took him out of his comfort zone in front of people he knew so he lashed out."

"What did you do, rip all his clothes off?"

"I- I touched his arm."

"Wow, hardcore," Ben said in disbelief. "It's lucky you didn't rip his clothes off, you wouldn't be here to tell the tale."

"I liked him," I said quietly, looking down to the floor.

"And now?" Ben asked, pointing to my eye.

"No second chances," I said slowly. "Not that he would come crawling back anyway."

"You're a sucker for giving second chances Jackson, or have you forgotten about Lee?"

"Do you really think I would date a guy after he punched me?" I asked annoyed, ignoring the mention of Lee and having no intention of turning the subject around to him.

"You tell me."

"Aaron can go to hell alright? He's a complete psycho and I never want to see him again."

_...End Flashback..._

... = ... = ...

I hadn't seen or spoken to Ben since the flood at our flat led to me moving in with Aaron. He didn't know I was seeing Aaron until after the flood, I sent him a text telling him where I was staying and that Aaron was a different person now. He replied saying it wouldn't last six months and that it would all end in tears.

I guess he was right.

I was just thinking about getting another pint when I spotted Paddy walk through the door. He clocked me straight away and lingered by the bar for a moment before walking over to me. "Hi," he said. "Can I?" Paddy gestured to the seat opposite me and I nodded. "Is everything alright, you know, with you and Aaron?"

"Not really," I sighed. "I think it's over this time. For good."

"Don't say that. He'll get over the whole Mickey thing and realise what you did was for the best."

"It's not about that anymore," I said quietly, staring down into my empty pint glass.

"Well what is it about?" Paddy asked as I looked back up, but then he looked embarrassed and back tracked. "Sorry, I don't mean to pry, just ignore me."

"No, it's alright," I told him, with a slight smile. "I… told Aaron how I felt about him, and let's just say… it wasn't reciprocated."

"Flipping eck," Paddy said in a whisper, his eyes wide with shock. "No wonder he's walking around with a face like a wet weekend. Maybe you just need to give him time?"

"For what?" I laughed. "For him to tell me to do one? Nah, I've got more respect for myself than that. As soon as I've found a flat to rent in town I'll be out of his life forever."

"Jackson, don't say that. Aaron really likes you, I know he does."

"Well he's got a funny way of showing it," I replied.

"Can I get you a drink?" Paddy asked as he stood up.

"Um, no thanks, I should get going," I lied, not in the mood to talk to Paddy about Aaron for the next half hour. I stood up as well. "Would it be ok to pick up some stuff I left at yours some time?" I asked.

"Of course, you can go now if you want."

"But will-" I began to say carefully, but Paddy jumped in.

"He's gone out with Adam."

Paddy reached into his coat pocket, pulled out his keys and handed them to me. "Cheers," I said, then walked out of the pub.

... = ... = ...

I was in Aaron's bedroom, looking at the photo on his bedside table which had been there for over two months. It was of the two of us in Bar West, cheesy grins on our faces and thoroughly pissed. It made me feel a bit better than he hadn't moved the photo, or ripped it up. At the same time I opened the drawer, the bedroom door opened, making me jump out of my skin. Stood there with a frown on his face was Aaron.

"What are you doing here?" Aaron asked after a few moments of just staring at me and looking awkward. I couldn't work out if he was acting shy or annoyed.

"I was just getting some stuff I left behind," I told him, lifting up the Killers CD I'd had in my hand for the past five minutes. "Paddy said you'd gone out with Adam."

"Oh right, so you can't even face me now?" I thought I could see a hint of hurt in Aaron's eyes but I dismissed it.

"I just thought it would be easier if I stayed out of your way," I said quietly. "I can come back another time," I offered.

"Nah you're alright," Aaron replied, looking at the floor. "I'll leave you to it."

I turned my attentions back to the drawer I'd opened, routing around and finally locating what I was looking for and pulled it out.

"You're taking that?" Aaron suddenly asked. I looked over towards the door, to see it half closed and Aaron looking at me, his hand still on the handle. I looked down at the t-shirt in my hand and was confused. It was old, grey and paint stained. Most importantly it was mine. I wore it in bed when it was too chilly to be naked. I look into Aaron's eyes.

"Er, yeah. Unless you want to keep it as a memento?"

"Why would I wanna do that?" Aaron asked, taking his hand off the handle and walking back into the room, closing the door behind him.

"It was just a joke," I said, shaking my head. "Forget it."

"Jackson, what I- What I mean is, if you stay over you're gonna need it aren't ya?"

Aaron was watching for my reaction with his little boy lost look. It took a moment for me to register what Aaron had said, but I still didn't get it. I broke the eye contact and put the t-shirt and CD down on the bed. I took a deep breath before looking at Aaron again.

"Aaron, what are you saying?"

Aaron sighed and looked extremely uncomfortable. I thought about just walking out, and telling Aaron not to bother himself over me anymore. But my legs felt stuck, I couldn't move. I was desperate to hear what Aaron had to say.

"I don't wanna lose you," Aaron admitted in a whisper. "What you said yesterday... it freaked me out. I'm sorry."

"There's no need to apologise," I told him with a smile. "I shouldn't have blurted it out like that. I shouldn't have said it all."

"But you meant it right?" Aaron asked and I nodded slowly.

... = ... = ...


	2. Getting Back On Track

**Tears Of Broken Hearts**

Chapter 2: Getting Back On Track

_Jackson's POV_

… = … = …

"Aaron, this isn't just something we can sweep under the carpet," I told him.

"I know," Aaron sighed. "But I can't… I just-"

"You can't say it back to me," I said for him, my heart breaking just a little bit.

"No," he admitted, looking away from me. I swallowed a lump that had formed in my throat, my worst fear coming true.

"It's ok," I replied, trying to smile, desperate to get away. "Anyway, I better get going, things to do." I picked up my CD and t-shirt from the bed and as I walked past Aaron on my way to the bedroom door, he caught my arm with his hand and gently turned me around to face him. The feeling of his hand on my arm sent a shiver down my spine and I really hoped the flush that appeared on my cheeks would go unnoticed.

"Where ya going?" Aaron asked, his hand still resting lightly on my arm.

"Well I thought…" I trailed off, as we looked into each others eyes.

"I don't want you to go," Aaron whispered. "Yeah I can't say it back, but it's not because I don't… feel anything. I don't know what I feel. This is all new to me."

"Aaron, you've been through so much in the past few of months, what with coming out and everything. Maybe this isn't what you need right-"

"Don't say that," Aaron interrupted, shaking his head and his hand falling away from my arm.

"Aaron, I don't wanna hang around just to get my heart broken," I admitted quietly, instantly worried about what his reaction to that would be. Aaron was silent for a while, just gazing into my eyes and looking troubled. When he finally spoke his voice cracked with emotion.

"Jackson... please. Give me a chance. I really… really like you. I like being with you. You make me feel happy, happier than I've ever been. When I'm with you I can just be myself." Aaron paused, collecting his thoughts. "We both know I'm not good with all this stuff, talking about emotions. I just need a bit more time to figure it all out. Please?"

"I- I don't know if-"

"Please," Aaron pleaded. "I'm begging you."

"Maybe we should have a break from each other?" I suggested halfheartedly, not meaning what I was saying, but I wanted to give Aaron the choice. It didn't have to be all or nothing.

"No," Aaron protested with a frown. "That's the last thing I want. Look, why don't we go out tonight, into town. Just have a laugh and stuff."

"Paddy said you and Adam were going out," I replied.

"He got a better offer. Scarlet called him. Anyway, I'd pick a night out with you over Adam anytime. Just... one more night Jackson, please. If you still wanna finish with me in the morning, then I won't stand in your way, but I'm gonna do my best to make sure that aint happening."

"Ok," I told him with a smile after a few seconds of silence. "Everyone deserves a second chance I guess."

"This must be my eighth chance by now," Aaron smiled and I laughed. Aaron took a step closer to me, took the CD and t-shirt from my hands and threw them to floor before slowly placing his hands on either side of my neck. He stared into my eyes and I could feel my pulse rising with every passing second.

"Final chance," I whispered, my eyes focused entirely on Aaron's slightly parted lips. The sexual tension between us was buzzing and I wanted him. I wanted him so badly. I wondered if he was thinking the same thing as me and decided that he was, I could see the lust and passion in his eyes. But he seemed hesitant to kiss me, as though wanting me to make the first move.

Having sex probably wasn't the best idea right now, but I pushed that thought away, my body overruling my head. I hooked a finger into Aaron's jeans and pulled him even closer to me, our bodies touching. I leaned forwards and lightly bit on Aaron's bottom lip and a low gasp escaped from him, sending heat straight to my groin. Then we were kissing, I couldn't be certain who initiate it, but it felt so good. It was urgent and needy, Aaron's tongue dipped into my mouth and I groaned, sensing rather than seeing Aaron smile of appreciation. Aaron removed his hands from my neck and began unbuttoning my shirt in a frenzy, desperate for our bodies to be rid of their clothes...

… = … = …

"We'll get the drinks," Paddy said, gesturing to him and Marlon as we entered the club that evening.

"Just an orange juice for me thanks," I reminded Paddy. Our taxi had let us down so I ended up driving us in the van instead.

"Can't you just have the one?" Aaron suggested.

"I never have a drink when I'm driving, honestly I don't mind."

"Come on Paddy," Marlon said, pushing his friend towards the bar. Aaron and I went to find a table. We sat down and both gave each other shy smiles.

"I'm sorry about them two," Aaron said with a shake of his head.

"It's alright," I replied. "We could hardly say no to them when they asked."

"Yeah, but I wanted it to be just the two of us."

"I know. But we can still have fun can't we? And we won't extend the invitation to my bedroom later on."

"Sounds good," Aaron grinned and he lightly placed a hand on top of mine, which was resting on the table. I stared at our hands for a moment, shocked, but in a good way. This was the first time Aaron had ever showed any type of affection for me in public. "Jackson?"

I looked back up to see Aaron watching me with amusement. "Sorry," I smiled.

"This is alright isn't it?" Aaron asked, squeezing my hand slightly to emphasis what he was asking.

"Of course it is," I assured him.

A few minutes later Paddy and Marlon joined us, with three beers, an orange juice and some crisps in tow. As I sipped my orange juice Marlon excitedly told us about Paddy being given the eye.

"There was a guy at the bar and he winked at Paddy," he told us and Paddy lightly hit him on the arm, trying to get his friend to shut up.

"He might have just had a lazy eye," Paddy said and we all laughed.

Aaron caught my eye as Paddy and Marlon continued to bicker about the guy at the bar and I winked at him. He sucked his bottom lip in slightly and I couldn't tell whether he'd realised or not. But I made a mental note to let him know later how adorable it made him look. Tonight was going to be a good night.

… = … = …

Four hours later and we left the club. Aaron was tipsy, he hadn't had too much to drink, but Paddy and Marlon were a bit worse for wear. They were leaning on each other as we walked to the van. Aaron and I were walking together slightly behind them.

"Tonight was great," I said to Aaron.

"Yeah. The highlight was Paddy getting chatted up though."

"I can't believe he took that guys number in the end," I laughed. "He was a bit of alright as well."

"Oi," Aaron whined, bumping his shoulder against mine. "You're taken."

"I am?" I teased, wanting to hear what Aaron's reply to that would be.

"You're mine Jackson," Aaron replied, pretending to sound possessive but then smirking.

"That's what I like to hear."

"Hang on," Aaron said, holding his arm out to stop me walking any further.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"Nothing," Aaron replied, standing in front of me now. "I just wanted to do this." Aaron kissed me softly on the lips, pulling away and then beaming at me."

"You must have had more than I realised," I said and Aaron laughed, giving me another kiss after telling me to "Shut up."

Aaron took my hand in his and we walked that way until we reached the van. Paddy and Marlon were waiting, giggling about something and finding it hard to stay upright. I didn't like having to let go of Aaron's hand. Although totally alien for the both of us, it had felt so natural and right. We all got in the van and started the journey back to the village. I'd been driving less than two minutes when Aaron suddenly shouted.

"Stop the van."

"What?" I replied, briefly glancing over to him in the passenger seat, his eyes were fixed onto something outside.

"Just stop the van," Aaron repeated. I pulled over to the curb, bringing the van to a stop.

"What's going on?" Marlon asked what Paddy and I were both thinking too. We were all looking at Aaron, who was staring out of the van, anger etched all over his face.

"Mickey," Aaron whispered through clenched teeth. I looked out of the van, scanning the road and eventually focusing on a man walking his dog up ahead. Oh God.

"Aaron, leave it," I said, placing a hand on Aaron's shoulder but he shrugged me off, removed his seat belt, opened the van door and jumped out.

"I'll talk to him," Paddy slurred, moving to get out of the van but I stopped him.

"No, let me. Just wait here."

As I got out of the van and closed the door behind me I saw Paddy and Marlon exchange a nervous glance between them. Aaron was standing in front of the van, watching Mickey.

"Aaron," I said quietly and he turned to look at me. "What are you doing?"

"Wondering what I should do to him," Aaron replied angrily.

"Violence doesn't solve anything."

"You wanna bet?" Aaron spat.

"Aaron, for me. Please."

"What does it matter to you whether I deck him or not? He killed my dog remember?"

"So you deck him, then what? He comes after you; maybe this time he brings a mate or two. Maybe he brings a weapon. Maybe he decides to teach you a lesson by giving your mum a bashing, or Paddy or... me. Where does it end?"

"It won't come to that," Aaron said quietly, looking away from me and to the retreating Mickey in the distance.

"How do you know? Aaron, walk away, please. Get back in the van."

"No."

"If you follow him then that's it, we're through."

Aaron turned around and took a deep breath before speaking. "Jackson, don't do this. I can't just let him get away-"

"Yes you can," I shouted, surprising myself at how emotional I sounded. My voice was cracking and I could feel the tears threatening to fall. Aaron wanted to throw everything away over a thug like Mickey. He looked away from me and without another word started walking towards Mickey. I had to calm myself, taking a few deep breaths before getting back in the van. I started up the engine and drove off.

"Where's Aaron?" Marlon asked carefully.

"He's making his own way back," I replied quietly.

Then everything went dark. Very dark. Was that Aaron's voice I could h...

… = … = …


	3. Hanging On To Life

**Tears Of Broken Hearts**

Chapter 3: Hanging On To Life

_Aaron's POV_

… = … = …

"If you follow him then that's it, we're through."

I choked back the threat of tears and turned to face Jackson, taking a deep breath before I spoke. "Jackson, don't do this. I can't just let him get away with-"

"Yes you can," Jackson shouted, cutting me off. I could see how hurt he was, it was in his eyes and his voice. I couldn't bear to say another word for fear of breaking down. I quickly looked away from Jackson and concentrated on Mickey, starting to follow him. Fortunately he had been walking slowly and was still in sight. I tried to think of nothing but hurting Mickey. It wasn't long before Jackson's van overtook me. I stopped on the pavement and closed my eyes.

Oh God, what was I doing? This was ridiculous. As I reached into my pocket for my mobile to call Jackson, to tell him to stop the van and wait for me I heard an almighty bang. My eyes flew opened and my stomach sank.

Jackson's van was on its head.

Oh No.

"Jackson, Jackson," I screamed, running up to the van. There were several other people gathering around and I heard somebody on the phone asking for an ambulance. When I reached them, I momentarily recoiled in horror, a wave of terror filling my entire body, I could see Jackson through the window, he was covered in blood and his eyes were closed.

"No," I sobbed quietly. I briefly looked away to see four men helping Paddy and Marlon out of the van. They both looked shaken up but didn't have any obvious injuries. As soon as Paddy had his feet on the ground, he ran over to me, enveloping me into a hug and trying to move me away.

"Paddy, we have to get him out," I cried, trying to break free but Paddy just held on tighter.

"It's better for him if we don't move him," Paddy said calmly. "The paramedics will be here soon."

"But why is he hurt? You and Marlon-"

"He didn't put his seat belt back on," Paddy whispered and I snapped, pushing Paddy away hard, and rushing up to van window.

"Jackson! Jackson!" I shouted, tears streaming down my face. "Jackson, say something, please. Shout at me, anything."

I felt two sets of hands start pulling me away. "No, no," I begged, trying to wriggle free but couldn't. My eyes stayed focused on Jackson's, silently begging for them to open, to look into my eyes and show me that he was going to be alright. I heard the sound of sirens and a few seconds later two ambulances pulled up, quickly followed by a fire engine. I was turned around and saw Paddy and Marlon, looking worried but still keeping a firm grip on me.

"It's my fault," I told them.

"It was an accident," Marlon replied. "It was no-ones fault."

"Please, let me go to him," I pleaded.

"I think we should let the paramedics do their job," Paddy said. "We're no use to Jackson now, we just have to wait."

"But I have to tell him that I'm sorry. I have to tell him that I..."

"I know," Paddy whispered. "And you will get to tell him... he's gonna be alright."

Paddy and Marlon let go of me so I could turn back around and see what was happening. The tears never stopped falling as we watched the firemen. They cut Jackson out of the van and helped the paramedics to get him onto a stretcher. I felt so useless, watching all these people surrounding him. I wanted so badly to run over, but I didn't want to get in the way.

Then it happened. We heard one of the paramedics as clear as anything.

"He's gone into VF. Start compressions."

My whole body froze and I felt a chill run down my spine. I could just about hear Paddy and Marlon talking to me, but their voices sounded far away. And then my feet were moving, and I was running. But not towards Jackson, away from him. I just kept running and running.

… = … = …

My mobile was ringing again.

I didn't know where I was, I didn't even know what time it was. I'd kept running until I I'd run out of breath, until my legs ached and my body was exhausted. It numbed the pain ever so slightly.

I was sitting on a bench, my knees resting under my chin, and still the tears kept coming. I'd lost him. I'd lost Jackson, and it was all my fault. He was gone. I didn't want to hear the words, I couldn't handle it. I knew it was Paddy that kept ringing me, to tell me that Jackson was...

It must have been another hour before I finally took my mobile out of my pocket with shaking hands and pressed the unlock button. I felt sick. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve, they were so blurred with tears I couldn't see properly. My phone said it was nearly two in the morning. There were eighteen missed calls and one text message received. I took a deep breath and swallowed hard before reading the text message. It was from Paddy.

_Jackson's alive, he pulled through. We're at the hospital. Call me._

… = … = …

Paddy and I were walking through the hospital. I'd called him back straight away, quizzing him down the phone about Jackson, but he was being operating on. There was no news yet, except that he was alive. I'd walked to the nearest street sign to tell Paddy where I was and he came to get me in a taxi. We were both silent on the journey back to the hospital.

We walked down a corridor and at the end were Hazel and Marlon, sitting on some chairs by a wide door indicating the entrance to the operating theatres.

"Any news?" Paddy asked and Marlon shook his head. Hazel was looking at me.

"I'm sorry," I told her.

"For running away?" she asked, although not unkindly.

"For everything," I replied. "He's gonna be alright isn't he?"

"Jackson's a fighter," Hazel said, but her voice cracked slightly.

I sat down and we all stared into space, for God knows how long, listening to the silence. I felt numb, at one point I briefly looked at Hazel. She looked composed, but the terror was clear in her eyes. She was Jackson's mum; she'd given birth to him and brought him up. Whereas I'd only known him six months. I couldn't even begin to think how she was feeling.

"Miss Rhodes?" a woman doctor said, coming to a stop in front of us all and looking at Hazel. We all jumped up.

"Is he alright?" Hazel asked.

"Surgery went as well as it could. We've managed to stop the bleeding for now, the next twenty four hours will-"

"Is he gonna die?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"Of course he isn't," Marlon said uncertainly. "Tell him doctor." The doctor paused before answering; she seemed to be choosing her words carefully.

"It's touch and go," she admitted.

"Can I see him?" Hazel asked, her voice clearly breaking now.

"Soon," the doctor replied. "We'll come and get you."

When the doctor left, Hazel and Marlon went to sit back down again. I could sense rather than see Paddy watching me carefully. I didn't sit back down; I walked off, the doctor's words going round and round in my head.

It's touch and go.

I could lose him.

"Aaron," Paddy's voice stopped me a few seconds later. I turned to look at him.

"I wish it were me in there," I said, indicating towards the operating theatres. "I'd give anything to take his place."

"I know you would, but you can't. We have to stay positive, for Jackson's sake."

"Oh God, I feel sick," I whispered.

"Shall we go and get some fresh air?" Paddy suggested.

"No, I... Oh Paddy what if he dies?"

"It won't come to that," Paddy replied and he wrapped his arms around me. I leaned my chin on his shoulder and cried until I'd exhausted myself. Paddy guided me over to some nearby chairs and we sat down.

"I shouldn't be here," I said to Paddy.

"Don't talk nonsense."

"It's my fault he forgot to put his seatbelt on. It's my fault he's in here hanging onto his life by a thread. If he... if he di-

"That's enough," Paddy cut in. "Stop tormenting yourself. Do you really think this is what Jackson wants? When he wakes up, he's gonna need you."

"When? Are you sure you don't you mean if?" I corrected him, a fresh wave of tears desperate to escape, but I held them back.

Paddy didn't reply to that. He couldn't, even the doctor had told us it was possible that Jackson wouldn't pull through. I was suddenly aware of voices, I looked back towards Hazel and Marlon to see them both standing up and talking to another man. Oh God. He must be Jackson's dad, Jerry. Paddy touched my shoulder and suggested we should go over. I followed him reluctantly.

"Well how did it happen?" I heard Jerry asking aggressively.

"We're still waiting to hear back from the police," Marlon told him. "They were here earlier to take mine and Paddy's statements."

"Jerry, this is Aaron and Paddy," Hazel said when she clocked us approaching. Jerry turned around and when he saw me, stared for a few moments. I could see his mind working out who I must be and he gave me a look of pure hatred and loathing.

"You're the boyfriend I take it?" he asked me and I nodded. "So where were you when this happened?"

"I wasn't in the van," I told him. "But I was there."

"I don't understand any of this," Jerry said, looking back to Hazel. "So Jackson was in the van with these two," he pointed to Paddy and Marlon. "Jackson was driving, but didn't have his seat belt on, and this one," he pointed at me now. "The boyfriend. He isn't in the van but sees the whole thing?"

"Mr Walsh, it was an accident," Paddy told him. "The lorry that crashed into the van, it came out of nowhere."

"Was Jackson over the limit?" Jerry continued his questioning.

"No," Marlon replied. "He was on orange juice all night."

"All this still doesn't explain why my son wasn't wearing a seat belt."

"That's my fault," I said quietly and everyone looked at me.

"Don't," Paddy said but I chose to ignore him. They had a right to know, they were Jackson's parents.

"We had a row and when he got back into the van he forgot to put-"

"So it's because of you he's fighting for his life?" Jerry interrupted.

"I'm sorry."

"What were you rowing about?"

"Does it really matter?" Paddy said before I could answer. "This isn't Aaron's fault. I don't think blaming anyone is going to help Jackson."

"Did you know about this?" Jerry asked Hazel.

"No," she replied to him. "I don't care about any of that right now. All I care about is our son, so either you shut up or get out."

Jerry looked away, shaking his head, clearly wanting to rant some more. But he mumbled about getting a coffee and walked off. None of us moved from where we were standing. I started to feel uncomfortable, exposed. It was my fault, so the others were bound to be thinking it, even if they wouldn't say it to my face.

"I should go," I said.

"No."

I was surprised that the voice came from Hazel, and not Paddy or Marlon. I looked at her. "For reasons beyond my understanding, Jackson loves you, and if you're not here for him when he wakes up, you'll have me to deal with. Got it?"

I nodded.

… = … = …


	4. Voices

**Tears Of Broken Hearts**

Chapter 4: Voices

_Jackson's POV_

… = … = …

Everything was hazy and unclear, as though my head was under water. From what I'd been able to gather so far, I was in hospital, that much was for sure. The noise, the beeping machines, the smell, doctors and nurses speaking medical terminology that was completely beyond my understanding.

But how had I got here? Why couldn't I open my eyes? The last thing I can remember was Aaron and I walking to my van, hand in hand for the first time, and looking forward to getting back to the village to spend some time alone together, away from Paddy and Marlon. There must have been some sort of accident. Did we even make it to the van? Were we attacked on the street?

I could hear mum's voice. She was talking to me about a recent documentary she'd seen and how she had sky plussed it for me. Although cheerful to some extent, she sounded drained through lack of sleep and food. But then I heard the voice of someone I thought I would never see, or rather, hear again.

"I got you a tea."

It was my Dad. What the hell was he doing here? I would have thought he'd be pleased to hear I was in hospital. Or maybe he was hear to gloat? To tell everyone I was being punished for being a disgrace and a disappointment as a son.

"Thanks," Mum said quietly.

"I see he's still hanging round."

"Jerry don't start all that again," Mum replied. "He's Jackson's boyfriend. He has every right to be here."

I smiled inside. At least I knew Aaron was here. I wouldn't have blamed him for staying away; I knew he didn't cope well in these situations. But then when you add my parents on top of that, I dread to think what my Dad has said to him, if anything. It would surprise me if an exchange of words had gone on. After all, Aaron was another poof, bender etc.

"It's that boy's fault Jackson's in here."

"Leave Aaron out of this," Mum said annoyed.

What? Why was my Dad saying it was Aaron's fault? He would never hurt me, well nowhere near enough to put me in hospital. Had Dad heard about Aaron hitting me the court case? Was he putting two and two together and coming up with fifty? I heard Mum sighing, I sensed this was a conversation that kept cropping up between them.

"I just don't see why he-" Dad started to say but Mum interrupted, sounding angry now.

"Look, I don't care what you think. You haven't been there for Jackson since the day he told us he was gay."

"I'm here now aren't I?"

"Is that because you want to be or because of a guilty conscience? Did your wife persuade you to come here?"

Hang on, Dad was married again? Why had I never heard about it? Did Mum know or had she only found out since I'd been in hospital? I wasn't surprised that Dad had been too ashamed to get in touch and ask me to meet his new wife. Maybe she didn't even know he had a son?

"The boyfriend is the one who should have a guilty conscience. What is he, one of many?"

"What?" Mum asked.

"They don't just stick to one do they?"

"Who's they?"

"You know, homosexuals," Dad said, the loathing evident in his voice.

"This is the twenty first centaury," Mum told him. "Our son can do whatever he wants. Anyway, Jackson isn't like that. He told me himself he's in love with Aaron."

They were quiet after that, only the sounds of hospital machinery reaching my ears. I couldn't believe Dad was here. I hadn't seen or spoken to him for over three years. When I came out Mum was great and so supportive. But Dad, he was the total opposite. It led to Mum filing for divorce and I've always felt guilty about that.

Then I heard something that would have made me smile if it were possible. Aaron's voice.

"Hey."

It was hard to tell how much time had lapsed between Mum and Dad's conversation to now. Was it literally only a few seconds or minutes? Was it hours or days and I'd been asleep? I felt Aaron's hand cover my own. I tried with all my might to make any kind of movement, to let him know that I knew he was there. But nothing. There was silence for a while before he spoke again.

"I er, would of come earlier but…oh this is stupid," Aaron sighed. "I sound like I'm mental talking to myself." He rubbed my hand gently for a while before whispering "Jackson, please wake up… I-"

"I'm doing a tea run, would you like anything?" It was Mum.

Aaron's hand left mine in a flash before he answered. "Er no thanks."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Aaron are you crying?" Mum asked quietly.

"No."

"Look, you don't have to pretend with me. God knows I've done enough crying over that boy the past few days."

"But you seem so… together."

"I'm his mum; I need to stay strong for him. So what have you been talking to him about?"

"Nothing. It feels weird," Aaron replied.

"The doctor said there was a chance Jackson may be able to hear us. Although if he can I'm sure he's wishing I'd keep a lid on it."

"Where's Jerry?" Aaron asked, sounding a little nervous and backing up my suspicions that there had been words between them.

"He's gone home. He'll be back tomorrow. Did Jackson ever talk to you about his Dad?"

"No not really. Just said he hasn't seen him for a while and that he wasn't exactly pleased when he came out."

"Well anything he says to you, just ignore him. He's looking for someone close to home to blame."

"But I am to blame," Aaron said, so quietly I almost didn't hear him. "If it weren't for me none of us would be here and Jackson... I'm so sorry."

"So you've said about a hundred times," Mum told him. "You've got to stop this. I'll be back in a bit, talk to him."

I felt Aaron's hand reconnect with mine again, which meant Mum had gone. I then heard the shuffle of a chair and sensed Aaron had moved himself nearer the bed. I felt a finger softly stroke my cheek for a few seconds.

"You know you're really milking this," Aaron joked and I would of laughed if I could. "It's about time you opened those eyes of yours so we can all get a decent nights sleep without worrying about you."

Aaron went quiet for a few seconds and I fought with all my might for my body to do something, even if it was just a slight movement of a finger or a mumbled noise from my throat. It was horrible knowing that Aaron and my Mum were worried sick about me yet they didn't know I was here, trying my hardest to get back to them.

"Jackson... this shouldn't be happening. You shouldn't be... I'm supposed to be at the garage and you're supposed to be on a building site, pretending to work but really drinking tea all day."

I heard a little laugh from Aaron, but I could tell he was struggling not to cry too. That was the trouble with Aaron, he couldn't talk about his emotions but he seemed to be unable to control himself emotionally.

"I'd be texting you all day asking what you were up to and you'd be replying telling me to stop annoying you, but you'd still end the texts with a kiss. Then I'd see your van pull up in the village at some point in the afternoon and you'd give me a big smile when you got out and saw me watching you."

I enjoyed listening to Aaron; his voice was soothing and a comfort to me. It also amused me a little that he sounded awkward and wasn't aware I could hear. It meant a lot to me that he was here, and was even putting up with my homophobic father. I just hoped he hadn't said anything too nasty to Aaron's face.

… = … = …

One moment I was listening to Aaron and could feel the comfort of his hand on mine, but the next moment there was nothing. Had I fallen asleep? How long had past? I could hear low voices but didn't recognise them so assumed they were hospital staff.

Then I noticed light, it wasn't pitch black anymore. I could feel my eyelashes fluttering and slowly, very slowly my eyes opened. I had to blink quite a few times as the light was blinding. Once I got used to it I looked around, I was lying in a bed, hooked up to a hundred and one machines, and there was Mum, asleep in a chair beside me. I smiled faintly.

"Mr Walsh?" I looked to the other side of the bed to see a nurse looking down at me, smiling. "Welcome back."

"Where's-"

"Don't try and talk," she interrupted me. "The Doctor will be here any moment to assess you."

"Oh my God," I heard Mum say and by the time I looked back she was up and looking down at me.

"Mum," I managed to say faintly and she gave me the biggest smile.

"Oh Jackson, you've no idea how… but you're awake now and that's all that matters. We'll have you out of here in time."

"Where's Aaron?" I asked.

"Paddy dragged him off to the canteen. The poor thing is shattered. I'll call him."

Mum turned around to the chair she'd been sitting in and pulled her mobile out of her bag. A few seconds later she put it to her ear. I could see tears welling up in her eyes and hoped they were happy tears of relief and that I wasn't missing something.

"Aaron? Get back here, he's awake… yes of course I'm sure. He's asking for you."

… = … = …


	5. The Bombshell

**Tears Of Broken Hearts**

Chapter 5: The Bombshell**  
**

_Aaron's POV_

… = … = …

"Aaron, you should go home and get some sleep," Paddy said to me after my fifth consecutive yawn. He was sitting opposite me at a table in the canteen.

"I'm fine," I replied, taking a sip of hospital tea from a polystyrene cup and grimacing at the taste.

"You're exhausted. You know Hazel will call you if there's any news."

"I'm not going anywhere. Not until Jackson wakes up."

"It might not be for ages yet."

"Then I'll wait."

"I'm really proud of you," Paddy said with a slight smile.

"Don't be soft," I told him feeling embarrassed. "Jackson's the one who's lying in a hospital bed and... and what am I doing? Sitting around drinking tasteless tea and going out of my mind."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Paddy told me and I shook my head.

My mobile started ringing and I took it from my pocket to see the display saying _Jackson's Mum_. "Hey Hazel," I answered whilst rubbing my eyes.

"Aaron? Get back here, he's awake," Hazel said. Everything seemed to stop. Those few words felt like a huge weight being lifted from my shoulders. I swallowed back the urge to start crying.

"Are you sure?" I asked, needing to hear it confirmed.

"Yes of course I'm sure. He's asking for you."

"I'll be there in a minute." I ended the call and stood up, Paddy watching me with interest. "He's awake," I smiled.

… = … = …

I stood outside Jackson's hospital room, gearing up to go in. I felt nervous. What if he'd ask to see me because he remembered the argument and knew that forgetting to put his seatbelt on was all my fault? I didn't want to see hate in his eyes, for him to reject me. But I knew that's what I deserved.

"Are you going in or what?" Paddy said beside me.

"Yeah in a sec," I replied impatiently.

"Go on... what are waiting for?"

"Um... maybe I should give Hazel some more time?" I said feebly.

"You said he'd asked to see you though."

"That's what Hazel said," I whispered.

"Then what's the problem?"

"Paddy what if... what if he's dumping me?"

"Why would he do that?" Paddy asked me with a frown.

"Well if he remembers what happ-"

"Aaron don't be absurd. When are you gonna get it into your head that this wasn't your fault?"

I took a deep breath and nodded, there was no use arguing the point with Paddy. He just didn't get it. I walked up to the door, paused for a moment and then pushed it open. I saw Hazel standing up by the bed; she turned and smiled at me. I smiled back and closed the door behind me. Then I looked at Jackson. I could see his eyes were open and he was looking at me and it provoked the biggest smile in me. Seeing him was an amazing feeling. This time however, I couldn't keep my eyes from welling up with tears. He was awake. He'd come back to me.

"Aaron," I heard Jackson say as I moved nearer.

"Hey," I replied looking down at him.

"I'll leave you to it," Hazel whispered, patting my shoulder. "I need to call Jerry anyway." Hazel left the room, leaving Jackson and I alone together. His eyes were betraying all kinds of emotion in him, fear, anxiety, dread... but also love. I could have stood there looking into his eyes for days, they were mesmerising.

"So..." I began to say and I covered Jackson's hand with my own. His eyes moved from mine briefly to look down to our hands. "You took your time didn't you?"

"Sorry."

"Don't be daft," I told him. "It's alright for you, you've been asleep. The rest of us have been putting up with your Dad."

"Don't want him... here." I felt Jackson move his hand beneath mine slightly. I held on tighter, letting him know I was here for him. Letting him know that I wouls protect him.

"I know you haven't seen him for a while, but he's been really wor-"

"No," Jackson said, cutting me off. His eyes were wide, telling me has was being serious.

"Alright," I said quietly. "Whatever you want." Several people entered the room then, Doctors and Nurses. I saw the look of panic in Jackson's eyes. "Don't worry," I said to him. "Everything's going to be fine. I'll wait outside."

"Ok... don't go anywhere."

"I won't... promise."

I squeezed Jackson's hand and he gave me a smile, then I left. I joined Hazel and Paddy who were sitting together, talking.

"Hi," I said. "The Doctors are with him."

"We saw them go in," Paddy replied. "It's such a relief that he's woken up."

"I was starting to think he'd never..." Hazel started to say but then her voice cracked. "Sorry."

"Don't be," Paddy told her. "The worse is over now."

"Did you get through to his Dad?" I asked Hazel.

"Yeah, he's on his way."

"Jackson he... he just told me that he doesn't wanna see him," I said awkwardly, not looking Hazel in the eye. She sighed, what I said not being of any surprise to her.

"Well I can't blame him really. He's not been a father to Jackson since he came out. Jerry, he... lashed out."

"He hit him?" I said loudly.

"Yeah... a few times," Hazel admitted with a shake of her head.

"Poor Jackson," Paddy said quietly. "Building up the courage to tell your parents you're gay and then getting a beating for it."

"I don't think Jackson's ever truly got over it to be honest," Hazel said. "Him and his Dad use to be so close before that."

"No wonder he was so dead against me confronting Mickey," I whispered, to myself more than anybody else. It made total sense to me now, why Jackson hated my volitile and violent side, to the point of making me choose between it and him. What on earth did Jackson see in me? His Dad hit him for being gay, so did I. He shouldn't be able to stand the sight of me.

… = … = …

"I wonder what will happen when Jerry arrives," Paddy said.

"I dunno," I replied. "But he better not kick off in front of Jackson, that's the last thing he needs."

"I know he's behaved badly in the past... but he seems genuinely concerned, and he's been coming here most days."

"Jackson isn't gonna stop being gay though is he?"

"Well, no," Paddy replied. "Sometimes it takes nearly losing someone to realise just how much you..."

Paddy trailed off and he was staring at me. I knew what he was getting at. How could I respond to that? Thankfully I didn't have to as at that moment Hazel came out of Jackson's room.

"I'm going to the canteen for a bit. He's asking for you again."

"Ok," I said, standing up.

"I'll come with you," Paddy said to Hazel and the two of them walked off.

When I walked in Jackson smiled when he saw me. "You're still here?" he said.

"You can't get rid of me that easy," I told him with a smile, taking his hand.

"Good," Jackson replied. "I need something nice to look at."

"Oi," I smirked, feeling my cheeks getting warm. "You know, when you were sleeping it off... did you... hear anyone talking to ya?"

"Bits... I don't drink tea all day," Jackson said and I laughed. I could see the corners of his mouth turn upwards.

"I've missed this," I said quietly and Jackson gave me a searching look.

"Missed what?" he asked.

"You. Making me laugh," I told him and I Jackson squeezed my hand lightly.

"Aaron... tell me, what happened? Why-"

"Try not to think about that... all that matters is you're gonna be ok."

"Aaron?"

"Yeah?" I smiled.

"There's something... I have to..."

"What is it?" I prompted when Jackson trailed off and closed his eyes briefly.

"I can't... feel my... my legs," Jackson whispered. My heart broke as I felt a shudder fill my entire body.

… = … = …


	6. Running Scared

**Tears Of Broken Hearts  
**

Chapter 6: Running Scared

_Jackson's POV_

… = … = …

I felt sick. But I just can't put it off any longer, I had to say it. But why was saying it aloud so much harder than the facing up to the actual problem? I held back the onset of tears. Aaron looked so happy and relieved. But I was about to burst that bubble. Completely shatter it.

"Aaron?"

"Yeah?" he said back to me smiling.

"There's something... I have to..." I stopped, this was so hard. I closed my eyes, stalling.

"What is it?" Aaron asked me.

"I can't... feel my... my legs," I whispered, struggling to just get the words out. Aaron seemed to freeze before me. It was a few seconds before he shook his head, getting over the initial shock. His voice broke though as he began to mutter quietly, not looking at me.

"Um... don't worry about... it'll just be... the um... I'll be right back."

Aaron raced towards the door. "Aaron, please," I called out. He stopped at the door and turned to look at me. He had tears in his eyes. His lips moved but no sound came out. But it didn't need to. He said sorry, and then he left. I looked up to the ceiling, taking deep breaths and willing myself not to cry and praying that Aaron would come back. He had to, I needed him.

… = … = …

It was an hour later. Aaron hadn't come back... yet. I was still hoping he was somewhere in the hospital, just gathering his thoughts. A Doctor started addressing me, pulling me out from my private thoughts.

"We're going to run some tests. It's still early days."

"Ok," I replied and smiled up at Mum standing beside the bed.

"You're gonna be fine," Mum told me. "You hear about these things all the time, it'll only be temporary... just you see"

"Yeah... maybe."

Telling Mum had been nearly as hard as telling Aaron. But I knew Mum; she was predictable, unlike Aaron. After a split second of losing her composure she went to get the Doctor, to "sort it out."

"Can you feel me touching you?" the Doctor asked and I looked down the bed to see her hands under the blankets. But nothing. I couldn't even tell what she was touching, a foot? A leg?

"No," I said quietly.

"Can you move your toes for me?" she asked, but nothing. I shook my head. Even I didn't need a medical degree to know this wasn't looking good. The Doctor gave me a sympathetic smile and began scribbling on her clipboard.

"Mum, where's Aaron?" I asked.

"I don't know," she answered. "But he's probably around somewhere. Do you want me to call him? Tell him to get back here?"

"Thanks but... I'm sure he'll be back soon."

"Do you remember anything about the accident?" the Doctor asked me, taking a pause from her notes.

"Nothing," I replied honestly. "The last thing I remember... I was walking to my van... with Aaron."

… = … = …

I must have fallen asleep as I opened my eyes to find Mum and the Doctor gone. But there was someone different in the room. I swallowed thickly, feeling nervous.

I was looking up into the eyes of the man I never thought I'd see again. He had tears in his eyes and he looked worn out, it was making it hard for me to feel any hatred towards him. I'd decided I didn't want to see him, but now that he was here, I just wanted him to stay.

Dad. He smiled at me.

"Your mum and I have been so worried about you," he said. "You gave us quite a fright."

"Sorry," I muttered.

"Don't be. All that matters is you getting better."

"Did Mum... tell you?" I asked, not wanting to say the words for a third time.

"Yeah," Dad replied. "We've been speaking to the Doctor, it may just be temporary."

"But it may not."

"You're gonna walk out of here Jackson," Dad said with determination.

"Don't... don't leave," I whispered.

"Never," Dad replied, his voice cracking slightly. "Jackson... I can't apologise enough for what... but I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere. You're my son and... I'm ashamed of how I-"

"Dad... its ok," I interrupted him. We didn't need to talk about that now. It could wait.

Dad stayed with me for another hour. We didn't talk much, but it felt nice just being in the same room again. Mum took over, telling Dad to get something to eat at the canteen. As soon as Dad left the room I asked about Aaron again.

"Mum... is Aaron here?"

"I don't think so," she said.

… = … = …

One day... two days... three days... and still no Aaron. I was constantly thinking about him and was worried about what state he was in. It was a welcome distraction from the possibility of never walking again.

I'd stopped asking about him. What was the point when Mum just gave me the same answer every time, that Aaron was probably busy at work and he'd probably be in later. I needed to talk to someone that could give me answers.

"Mum, could you call Paddy and ask him to come in."

"Paddy?" she asked with a look of confusion.

"Yeah... I need to speak to him. Please Mum."

"Well if you're sure," she replied, giving me a look that said she knew exactly why I wanted to see him.

Mum called Paddy and he said he'd come in straight after work. He arrived three hours later, looking apprehensive; I wondered if Aaron knew I'd ask to see him. Mum excused herself to give us privacy and Paddy sat down by the bed.

"How you feeling?" he asked.

"Well... not great," I replied honestly. What else was I supposed to say?

"Everyone's been asking after you and they all send their best wishes."

"Even Aaron?" I asked and Paddy started to look uncomfortable now, briefly looking away.

"He's... kind of withdrawn from everything... and everyone."

"Why won't he come and see me?"

"I don't know, he won't talk to me. Even Chas has tried, but... I think he's coping with things the only way he knows how, by avoiding the problem and retreating into his shell. I'm sure he'll come round... it might just take some time."

"He thinks he's responsible doesn't he?" I asked.

"Jackson, I think..." Paddy started to say, but trailed off. The look on his face gave me the answer anyway.

"Before I came round... I heard Aaron talking to Mum... blaming himself."

"I don't think anything anyone says will change his mind about that... apart from… you maybe."

"Paddy, what actually happened before the crash?"

"You can't remember?"

"No."

"What has Aaron said about it?" Paddy asked cautiously.

"Nothing."

"I don't really think it's my place to-"

"Paddy... please."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Aaron's gonna kill me," Paddy said with a hint of a smile.

"Leave him to me," I told him.

"Right..." Paddy began. "Well we were going back to the village and... Aaron... he made you stop the van because he saw Mickey... you know, the one who-"

"How can I forget," I cut in.

"Yeah, so Aaron got out... you followed him. I don't know what was said between you but you got back in the van... and we left Aaron behind. It was just after that the lorry crashed into us. We've since heard from the Police that the driver fell asleep at the wheel."

"Ok," I said quietly, taking it all in. So it was just a road accident then, not something that Aaron had caused. But I could see how he would feel that if he hadn't stopped the van the crash wouldn't have happened. But then something didn't add up as I looked at Paddy, he didn't have a scratch on him. But he had been in the van too, and Marlon.

"Weren't you and Marlon hurt?" I asked; feeling confused.

"Well no... you... you didn't have your seat belt on."

"What?" I whispered. I never drove my van without wearing my seat belt. But then the obvious answer came to me, Aaron and I must have had an argument before I got back in the van. Through anger or whatever I was feeling at the time, it caused me to forget. Paddy then voiced what I'd already concluded.

"You must have forgotten to put it back on. You and Aaron... it looked like you had harsh words."

I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. Then, as if by magic, it was all flooding back to me. I could remember. Pulling the van over to stop only moments after starting our journey back to the village. Seeing Mickey walking his dog up ahead and Aaron's eyes fixated on him. Me telling Aaron that if he followed Mickey then that was it, we were finished. Watching on as Aaron walked off, choosing revenge over me. I opened my eyes and looked at Paddy. He looked worried.

"So..." I whispered. "Aaron had only been here out of guilt then?"

… = … = …

It was an hour since Paddy had left. I'd asked him not to tell Aaron about our conversation and he'd been more than happy to oblige. I couldn't stop going over and over that night in my head. I'd felt so happy, right up to the moment we got in the van. I couldn't help an involuntary smile as I remembered Aaron and I holding hands.

It was the following morning, I'd already been awake a while when Mum turned up, her hands full of newspapers and magazines.

"Are those for me?" I asked with a smile. "Or am I that boring you have to amuse yourself?"

"Some are," Mum replied, putting some on a chair and the rest beside me on the bed. For a moment I wondered if she'd bought any gay magazines, but a quick flick through found she'd gone for the safe options such as Stuff magazine. "Are they alright?" she asked, watching me checking the titles out.

"Yeah great. Thanks Mum."

"I've also got something else for you," she said with a smile. She reached into her bag, pulled something out and handed it to me. It was my mobile. It was a bit scratched but otherwise ok.

"Where did ya get it?"

"The Police. They've finished with your van and found the phone and a few other bits left inside. I've got the charger too; Andy searched your room for it."

"Thanks."

I stared at my phone for a few minutes, wondering whether I should turn it on or not, but in the end curiosity got the better of me. I pressed the power button and watched as it booted up. Within seconds of the home screen appearing text messages began popping up. As I scrolled through them a lot were telling me about voicemails received, then there were messages from friends and colleagues. I didn't read any of them, it could wait. I decided that the first thing I was going to do was to send Aaron a text.

I don't know precisely how long it had taken me to write just one text, but it felt longer than thirty minutes. For at least five minutes I debated whether to put a kiss on the end or to leave it looking formal. But when I was finally satisfied with what I'd written I pressed send.

_You don't have to feel guilty about the accident or for not coming to the hospital anymore. I remember. I ended things between us. You don't owe me anything. Jx_

Then the tears began to well up in my eyes. It was over between us. I was grateful that Mum had gone to get herself a tea and wasn't seeing me upset.

"Are you ok?" I looked up to see one of the nurses had entered the room. She was checking my chart.

"Yeah," I replied, wiping my eyes with back of my hand and feeling embarrassed.

"Where's that friend of yours, he was starting to become part of the furniture round here," she said with a smile.

"Aaron... he's er..." I trailed off, looking down at my phone.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to pry."

"No no it's fine," I told her, looking back up and managing a split second smile.

"Boyfriend?" she asked.

"Ex," I corrected

"Oh... I see. I'm sorry. These situations can be very testing for love ones. They often need more time to come to terms with things than the patient themselves."

I didn't get a chance to reply to her as another nurse came in asking for her assistance elsewhere. I was about to throw my phone over to the chair by the bed when it vibrated in my hand. I swallowed thickly. It was a text from Aaron.

_I'm so sorry I walked out the other day. Please let me explain but I understand if you never want to see me again xx_

My stomach gave an excited flip as I read his text, it was the first contact I'd had from him in three days. I suddenly realised that I missed him terribly and was desperate to hear from him again, and even more desperate to see him. But I had to keep my head about this all, I had to ignore what my heart was telling me. I took a deep breath before sending back a five worded text.

_You know where I am._

… = … = …

It was late afternoon. I was on my own, Mum was in the hospital somewhere but was doing some errands, and said she'd be back later. I looked at my mobile, bringing up the text I received from Aaron an hour ago, for probably the hundredth time.

_I'll be there after work xx_

It was another hour before Aaron arrived. I saw him through the glass, checking to see if I was awake. He gave me a small smile before pushing the door open.

"Er... hiya," Aaron said shyly. He sat down and looked around the room, buying time I thought. "Where's your Mum?" he finally asked.

"Outside. She's working her way through the contacts on my mobile, letting people know what's happened and updating the ones that have already heard."

"You'll be getting a lot of new visitors then," Aaron said with a nervous smile.

"I've told Mum I don't want to see anyone."

"Why?"

"I'm not ready to see the pity and sympathy in everyone's eyes."

"They're your mates."

"I don't need it... not yet anyway."

"So... you remember everything then? About Mickey and that?"

"Yeah," I admitted. "And before you say-"

"It's all my fault," Aaron almost shouted, in frustration. I could see the guilt and torment in his eyes and I wished there was something I could say to make it all go away. But Aaron would always blame himself one way or another.

"No it isn't," I said firmly, but pointlessly. "It was an accident. If anyone's partly to blame it's the idiot who fell asleep at his wheel."

"I'm jinxed," Aaron sighed. "Everyone I... people get hurt, because of me. If I hadn't been so stupid and stubborn about Mickey that night, we'd be in the Woolie right now, having a drink and chatting about fit footballers."

"I can still talk," I said with a smile.

"Jackson, I don't think I can ever begin to tell you how sorry I am," Aaron said, turning serious again.

"I know," I told him. "But now matter how many times you try to justify it, I'm not going to blame you."

"Um..." Aaron began, looking at me intently. "I'm… so sorry about the other day. I... I don't know what came over me. I couldn't handle it. I know I deal with things all wrong, but-"

"It's ok, I understand," I cut in.

"No it's not ok, you needed me and I... I ran away."

"It's a big thing to deal with," I said quietly. "And... like I said in my text... we were over when I told you I-"

"Jackson don't," Aaron whispered. "Please, I don't want us to be over. I... I-"

"Aaron I'm giving you an easy way out. For God sake take it."

"What?" Aaron asked, sounding angry now. "Is that what you think of me? Yeah I bottled it the other day, but I was always gonna come back. I just needed to get my head together, there was no use me being here when I was like that and-"

"Aaron," I said to interrupt his speech and he stopped talking, looking at me. I took a deep breath. "I think you're clouded by guilt... and I think that's confusing things for you. I... I do need you, but as a friend, not-"

"Are you kidding me?" Aaron said, standing up and looking down at me with tears in his eyes. I willed myself not to lose control, to stay focused. I couldn't let my feelings take over. I couldn't act selfishly. This was the best thing for Aaron; I needed to do it even though it would break my heart to do so.

"We're... we're not..." I couldn't really get the words out, but Aaron was fully aware of what I was saying.

"So you're dumping me?" Aaron whispered as his voice broke.

"Technically we were already... over."

"Jackson… no," Aaron said, shaking his head. "No, you can't do this. I'm not here out of guilt, yeah I feel responsible for what happened, but that's not why I-"

"I need to concentrate on me," I pointed out firmly, trying a new tact. "I might... I might never walk again and-"

"Don't… don't say that,'" Aaron begged, putting his hand on top of mine and holding it tight. "You're gonna be back running around building sites before you know it."

"Maybe," I replied, struggling to concentrate on anything other than Aaron's hand on mine, it felt so nice.

"I've… got a lot of stuff to deal with, and I want to rebuild my relationship with my Dad. That's probably the only positive to come out of all this. I just don't have the energy at the moment to think about…"

I stopped talking as I felt Aaron's hand loosen and fall away from mine. He was crying and looking away from me, not daring to meet my eyes. I was thankful because I knew if he was looking at me I'd start crying too. Then Mum walked in.

"I don't know about you boys but I'm gasping. Teas all round?"

I gave Mum a look but she got the wrong end of the stick. "Oh right… I can come back in a bit if you want?" she asked with a smile, thinking Aaron and I wanted "alone" time.

"Nah it's alright, I was just leaving," Aaron said, not looking Mum in the eye, he didn't want her to see his tears. With one last fleeting look at me he walked out of the room.

"Something I said?" Mum asked lightheartedly.

"No," I replied. "I er... just finished with him."

"What? Why did you do that?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," I replied, closing my eyes.

… = … = …

It was three weeks later. The Doctors had told me a few days ago that the final conclusion was they couldn't tell for sure whether the paralysis in my legs would be permanent or not. I was being discharged today yet would have to come back twice a week for physiotherapy and further tests.

Mum and Dad were being positive, but I could see the doubt in their eyes every time they tried to cheer me up, the worry that things might never get better, and there was that chance. Aaron had been in a few times since we split up but he always came accompanied by Paddy and the talk between the three of us was a little awkward and strained. But it was nice to see and I always looked forward to it when I heard he was coming. But it still hurt like hell that he was no longer my boyfriend. But it was for the best, that's what I kept telling myself. Aaron didn't need _this_ or _me_.

On one hand I was relieved to be leaving the hospital after so long, the boredom and routine of doing nothing was starting to really get to me, but on the other hand I was dreading it. The pointed fingers, the pity in people's eyes and voices and most of all the wheelchair I'd have to move around in and which I'd been practicing in for the past week. Oh joy!

… = … = …

_Liked it? Let me know in a review and I'll start writing chapter 7 :)_

_Thank you so much to those who reviewed chapter 6, it's much appreciated!  
_

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